The Significance of a Yellow Butterfly

My mother passed away June 30th, 2009. Finding out that she passed away and how I reacted to the news is a very long story and for another time. Yet, I want to write about the little sign that God allowed me to see the weeks after my nightmare came true.

A week after my mother passed away, I was extremely numb and I was extremely angry with the Lord. The question of my heart was, 'Why God? Why did she have to die?' People understood that I was asking that question and the answer was always the same: Your mom is in a better place.

That answer was probably the worst thing that I heard in the months after Mom's death. I hated hearing that from people. I understood that Mom was in a better place and in heaven with Jesus, but I didn't want her in heaven. I wanted her here, on earth, with me. In my mind, God had not answered my prayers for Him to heal her. Even though, in a way, God had answered my prayers! Mom had been in so much pain and God took her to be with Him, to be free of pain forevermore! I did not understand this at the time though and every day I begged to have her back.

God heard my pleas and my cries even though I was extremely angry with Him.

One morning, when I was taking Chance out to use the bathroom, I looked over to the small flower bed and saw a bright, yellow butterfly. I knew that the butterfly was a sign from the Lord that Mom truly was okay. I saw that same yellow butterfly for a whole entire week! Every day, without fail, no matter what time of day, I saw that butterfly in the flower bed. It was a little drink of water of love from the Lord. He gave me that drink, even though my heart was bitter and angry toward him. I will never understand His love toward me.

Ever since Mom passed away I wanted to get a tattoo in a memorial to her. I got a tattoo on my right thigh of two elephants with their trunks interlocked and a yellow butterfly at the bottom. The elephants are significant to me because they are my favorite animal. Another reason I got elephants is because the female elephants stay in a herd together all of their lives, while the males go away and form their own herd only to return to breed. The bond between female elephants is extremely strong and they mourn when one of their family members pass away. I love that aspect of the gentle giants.

The tattoo is not quiet finished yet, but once I get enough funds I'm going to finish it. I have about five hours of work put into what I have finished so far and I'm guessing about another two hours will need to be put in to finish it. It will be mostly black and gray, but the butterfly at the bottom will be color and the flowers at the bottom as well. There are a few flower pedals throughout the tattoo that will be colored too.

Since the artist is in Kansas City and I'm leaving, I won't be able to finish this piece until next January after the OneThing conference. I'm okay with that though because this piece is so huge! Doing a tattoo on a huge part of your body takes you out for a few days. I will be sure to update everyone as soon as I get the tattoo finished. I may post a picture of it healed too, because the picture to the right was taken the moment I got off the table. Super fresh!

The butterfly is a reminder that I will see my mother again, and that God is extremely faithful, loving and compassionate! Seeing a butterfly lets me know that the Lord truly loves me and cares for my aching heart. Having this tattoo on my thigh is a constant reminder of that, but nothing beats seeing the real creature fly by on a day you don't expect.